Listening is one of the most
important necessities of human communication. If you don't listen to people,
you are missing out on one of the best ways to influence people. People will
always listen to you when you listen to them. One of the greatest influencing
tools is listening. When you listen to what's on a person's mind, you will find
that communication barriers are broken. Even if you think you know what they
are going to say, listen to them. If you are a bad listener, people will think
that you are not interested in them. People will like you if listen to them.
How do you feel about people who listen to what you have to say? Isn't your
admiration for them high? Others will feel the same way about you.
Eliminate
All Distractions
Distractions inhibit good
talkers and listeners. It is important that you remove all distractions when
listening to another person. You want to create a very warm and comfortable
atmosphere for the talker.
What
Questioning Will Do
Questions we ask people arouse
their thinking processes. When you arouse people's think processes, you give
them the chance to express their own ideas and feelings. The only way you will
find out what you want to know about another is by asking questions. If you are
able to help people think on their own they will respect you and like you. You
have been able to do something for them that they were not able to do for
themselves. By listening to others, you also fulfil their need to feel
important. Through your concern, they feel special.
Keep
the Conversation Open
In order to listen, you must
keep the conversation open. Some people won't tell you everything on their
minds, so you may have to question them to keep the conversation going. All of
your questions should relate to who, what, why, where, when and how.
What
Questions Do You Ask?
The questions you ask must have
a specific purpose. If they don't, you will lose credibility. You must ask
questions the person understands. Don't confuse other people by asking complicated
questions, such as questions with many parts. Ask them one part of a question
at a time. Try to get others to tell you "why." "Why" is
one of the best questions to ask people. The reason for asking people questions
is to get definite answers. Your questions should prompt definite answers, and
they should discourage others from guessing at the answers. The therapeutic
value of questioning is lost when people guess at answers.
How to
Resolve an Argument by Listening
I have solved many arguments
just by listening. It may be hard to believe, but it really works. It works
when someone is trying to get his point across to you, and when he is yelling
and telling you how right he is. Even if the argument is meaningless, here is
how to deal with the situation so that you come out on top.
The first thing you should do
is listen to what the person has to say without once interrupting. This is
where your listening skill will come in handy. You should say "yes"
or "I understand" occasionally to show the other person that you are
really listening. It is important that you agree with the other person's point
of view. If you don't think the other person is right, you must at least let
the other person know that you understand his point of view. When the other
person is finished saying what he had to say, ask him, "what can I do for
you?' This statement throws many people off because they don't expect it. You
will find, after using this technique that most people give in to your point of
view. The reason for this is that all people really want is for someone to
listen to them.
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